Monotony has its colorful spurts

New interns have arrived and work has become a fun house...in terms of craziness. Trying to increase the number of participants that come in since the studio needs that money to properly train these people. All thats missing is the right age group.

God has been taking me through Exodus, telling me the "season of bondage is over...this story is YOUR story." Its pretty intense.

Reading Velvet Elvis...pretty good. Can EASILY see how people can get lost on what he is saying and begin to read into what he is saying. Rob Bell is an intelligent enough of a person to write something if it was neceassry to be said or he wanted a certain point to come out...he proves that OVER and OVER in the book.

So far, he talked about "yokes" and "binding and loosening." Thinking I should save that for a special blog about the book.

He, so far, has great views. The more I read, the more I am beginning to feel where he comes from in light of Scripture. Very "historical" in context. Uses Greek a lot. Uses loads of translations, which in my (JT's) personal opinion, is so enriching to see!! Personally, there is no "best" translation. Rabbi Bell (yes, I just used that...it means "teacher" in hebrew....and a teacher of the Scriptures to be precise) has brought up challenging views. Like: If truth exists, then it is God's truth...because God is a God of truth and truth is the reality. So if something isnt true, it isnt God's truth and vice versa. Another wrestling issue has been how Scripture is like a gem, with seventy faces....what is the meaning behind seventy? A gem, isnt that precise? Isnt there a way to see different faces of the same truth? Another one...you ready? Every reads the Bible in a bias.

WHOA!

That one had me spinning. I thought about it, chewed on it, and could tell its the case. Some much goes into how you read the bible: Background, surroundings, atmosphere, experiences, lifestyle...and yet all can be right! The Holy Spirit does a great job in leading us into all truth...but as Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13 - "for we know and see in part". I, personally, believe there is no way we will have a FULL truth...or be able to completely wrapped our minds around the full turth. If we could, wouldnt we be able to wrap our minds completely around God?? Chewing on this.....mmmmmmmm meaty...

Again, another time, another post.

Missing home so much! Trying to get home in October for a vacation. Hoping to see my aunt and uncle...along with the cutest cousins in the world!!!!

Be praying for me...im fighting a nasty cold/allergy. Its new people. lol. This is the season at the Honor Academy where everybody gets sick...expecially the tired ones (ie the Januaries who worked their butts off on no sleep). It killed my vocals, and Im just sniffling all day.

Im also looking into staying here one more year for more Worship Leader training. Its intense stuff...but I have no clue what i am going to do...best place for God to intervene.

Love each person who is in GA, back home from the internship, or even here in Texas.

circus fairs and the wazoo shopping market

Sal rules...Rach, Brittany, Allison, and Mere need to answer their dang phones. Good thing they cant read this. Good thing they dont know this exists....but we now know why Mere isnt answering her phone...seems that having one is a very big help. Yes.

Went to the fair. Trying to get a hold of some people...its quite frustrating....


Hahahaha...i wonder if i wrote my secret thoughts here about everyone, would the chances of them finding it increase?? hmmm...


AHHHH too much going on in my brain!!! Thinking is good, not in this amount!!!!

One, Two...One, Two...

Hmmm...

Been reading a book called Captivating...about the heart of a woman.

Very interesting. It is written by the wife of and the author of Wild At Heart, John and Stasi Eldredge.

So far..very eye opening. Although most of it I know, it is revealing a lot. Its kind of exciting to learn more.

Looking at reading the book "Emotional Purity"...Just really into learning more about Godly women and how to porperly treat them, guard their heart, and show them what a Man of God looks like and truly is.

The adventure begins!!! (as well as a desire to read "Wild at Heart")

The Return!!

Hello all!

Sorry i havent blogged in a long time.

I have been BUSY out the wazoo...whatever a wazoo is. Haha.

The internship is going well. Learning much and retaining good portions of it. I am also running out of thinking space to write...so much has happened that a single post cannot contain it.

So I will be short and sweet and try to continue from here on!!

as I chew the food, it turns into the body.

WOW! Been a long time since I updated this.

Here...its incredible. Life has been kicking me in the teeth, which is always exciting...and good news I have been working on developing sarcasm. Haha.

Stress. Its fairly addictive and must have a magnetic power to people who want everything calm and chill. It has been flying around like an annoying fly. Even saying, "shoo fly! dont bother me" is not cutting it. Best way to cope...ugh let me know. The only way I know how is to just deal with it. It wont last forever.

I am about to embark on a journey on the connections of the Old Testiment to the New Testiment. The visuals God used in the Old Testiment, and how Jesus (or whatever Jesus did or what he did casues) ties in together. Its fascinating so far. Im starting by reading the Tenahk (first five books of the Old Testiment) Im reading it in three translations: Messgae//Remix, New Living Trans., and the Complete Jewish Bible. Its pretty interesting.

My little corner of what God is showing me!

Faith. Hope. Love. why these three remain.

I have been reading in Isaiah, and I have found that God loves us. I have been reading Isaiah as if its me speaking to people who I care about. Like I was speaking to the interns of the Honor Academy, the people of my town, the people in my work place and where i worked, to my youth group, etc. To people i thoroughly cared about. Now...this gives me a tiny glimpse of how Isaiah felt, but an even tinier glimpse of how God felt.

In Isaiah 42:18-25, Isaiah is speaking the Words of God to Israel. He just spoke about a "new salvation" in verses 5-9. God is prophesying through Isaiah about salvation through Christ! Now, God is pleading with Israel! Check this out: at verse 18:

Pay attention! Are you deaf? Open your eyes! Are you blind? You're my servant, and your not looking! You're my messenger, and you're not listening.

God's love is so extreme here, He is making sure Isaiah is pay attention. He is spekaing of something so new and revolutionary, he wants Isaiah to be tracking. God continues,

The very people I have depeneded upon, servants of God, blind as a bat - willfully blind! You've seen a lot, but looked at nothing. You've heard everything, but listened to nothing.

Wow...this shows how you can "see" what God is doing, and miss it. Later on, it tells of how God wanted to be lavish in His revelation! He wanted the people to come back whole-heartedly. And the more He is doing this, the more He is conjuring up a "new salvation" for Israel to truly bring people back. He desired so much more!! A few verses on:

But is anyone out there listening? Is anyone paying attention to what's coming?

I always thought it meant the impeding doom. Always. But lets think about this...God is asking if the people have paid attention to what just happened. What did just happen? The impeding judgments!! Doom came and destoryed them. But i am beginning to feel Isaiah wasnt implying the people to look to the doom that is coming. He asked them to lok at the "servant" who will be bathed in the Spirit. The "new salvation". WHOA! God gave hope to the people, and He is asking if theyjust heard what God said. They were too busy about what happened and so concerned with that...they are about to miss the hope that is promised!! God is desperately trying to get there attention!
It continues:

Who do you think turned Jacob over to the thugs, let loose the robbers on Israel? Wasn't it God Himself, this God against whom we've sinned - not doing what he commanded, not listening to what He said? Isn't God's anger that's behind all this...Their whole world collapsed but they still didn't get it; their life is in ruins but they don't take it to heart.

Ok...God said this happened to them because they didn't obey them. He is now trying to console them. He is saying, "You know what did this?...your sin!" He is trying to get them to turn back faithfully and look towards the hope that is coming! The hope...its about the hope isnt it? God asked his people to have faith in this prediction, because the other ones came true! Haha, God is trying to grab there attention. He is giving reasons to believe what He says will happen!! He said "If you do not follow me, such and such will happen" and sure enough...they did not follow and such and such happened! He now is saying, "Ok...I told you it will happen, now why wont you fully believe me when I say HOPE IS COMING!?" I can imagine God shaking their bodies, slapping them in the face (to wake up slap), waving a hand in front of their eyes, checking to see if somebody is home or if they are just comatose.

Funny huh? God is more personified if we thnk about it. Emotions are great, because they bring things to life! God has emotions. He has anger, love, sadness...he has them...why do we imagine Him speaking monotone, or always angry, or just...uninteresting? He is saying, in his Old Testiment "visual" way, FAITH HOPE AND LOVE WILL REMAIN! THESE THREE REMAIN!!!! THESE THREE!

Now...if we believe that Jesus is who He says He is, did what He said He did, and lived how its told He loved...Why dont we believe the rest of the book?

May you come to see that God gives us hope. May you come to find that God wants our faith because He does what He says. May you come to discover the Love that He has, which ultimately drives Him to bring hope and give us reason for faith.

The pressure has built, and the volcano erupts with all its contents...only showing a glorious spectical to those who look

"Heretics!"

The name has weight. The name is never to be used lightly from a Christian's mouth. In fact, from my research (and until further evidence is brought it will remain) the name heretic in the New Testiment is used by one...Jesus.

So where do we get the authority to call someone a heretic? Is it because they do not agree with the norm? Who are we to judge, like we know the very heart of the person? And wasn't the accepted "evangelical" movement called the same when it came about? ENOUGH! If you cannot stand as to say, "I know the truth" without calling the so-called "false doctrine" heresy...something is off. Shouldn't the truth stand and be able to handle this so called problem? Truth is constant, and I believe thus...it will handle itself when we allow it to work, not us work it.

Defending and attacking are different things. We are to defend the faith, not attack our own! If they are "deceived" then shouldn't we win them with the truth instead of labeling with names? We are not accountable for the choices of others, but we can influence their decision by showing the truth and our integrity by weighing what is said for ourselves. Otherwise, it's no different than gossip. Instead of calling something a name...point out what is said(accurately and in context) and show IN LOVE where it is wrong and pray the person gets the Holy Spirit to convict them...not YOU convicting them! Otherwise its comes across like an attack.

Yes our faith isnt passive and you may be concerned for the ones you love. GREAT! But attacking our own is dividing us! Shouldnt we be careful to take things out of context?

And on another issue....What pastor hasn't said something that may seem a little off to what our revelation of God has shown us? I do not fully agree with a baptist pastor who believes miracles do not happen anymore. I do not agree with the catholics that many traditions that haoppen repeatedly (ie almost ritualistic) are necessary. I do not agree with the people who think tongues are for everyone. So please...just don't.

And Paul says, "let each servant answer to his own mastrer"...that applies to us as well. We are solely responsible for what we allow. Yes...we can show something we believe is wrong, but there are WAYS better to do it than call it "heresy" or "you're wrong". "I disagree because I came across this in the truth of God..." is many times better. Im not saying to not speak up if something is wrong, but Im saying your approach is the difference. And we cannot change a person...that's the Holy Spirit's job, right?

Rob Bell has been the biggest issue lately. People say he believes in "no virgin birth" and no "sola scriptura"(the doctrine that the Bible is the only infallible or inerrant authority for Christian faith, and that it contains all knowledge necessary for salvation and holiness)...according to my research...this is misrepresented. In the same book these are quoted from...He CONFIRMS the virgin birth. And he AFFIRMS the sola scriptura! So...according to this...they misquoted him, thus their claims wrong. Has he made some claims I do not agree with, of course! His intellect is UP THERE! Thus he thinks on such a level I cannot quite comprehend, but I know where his heart stands...and its for Jesus.

So...I honestly say we need to stop calling names. We need to stop and look at the other in love. Is name calling love? THe only person who saw the hearts of man called the "religious/holier than thou" as heretics...and I believe only Jesus alone can make that claim. We can show truth, pray, and show it in LOVE. So can we please...please quit the name calling at least? If you do not like the guy, say that...no further. If someone asks why...remember you are accountable for your words. Do you really want to accuse someone of heresy, only to discover that the Holy Spirit used that to bring about a revival for the Kingdom? I implore you...search for yourself, and do not do something you will regret with your words.

untitled posts leave many wondering the subject

So I have way too much fun with the titles of my blog! Sorry I havent been very active. I have been busy.

Hmmm...I can say things here have gotten exciting. I have been able to grow yet closer to God. The realization of "why" I do and desire certain things has been very humbling. So if you're lost, I will recap. I am a Musician. I enjoy being on stage, in fact when I worship, there are times I wish I just had my guitar with me, because its how I would praise Him...through my guitar. And I wanted to play on stage. REALLY BADLY! We had a Band Fusion at the class. This is where we throw in different musicians at one time and play songs, then change out some position switch new instruments. Pretty cool. Well the first time we had it, I almost got to play. I had to go back to work right as I was about to play. Total sinker! Like "You sunk my battleship!" sinker. As I was walking back to work, I asked God why I couldn't play. That I wanted to play. Then he subtly asked, "why". When God asks why, most likely it means your motives are wrong. My case: Im always wrong when He asks why.

Well, regardless to say...I discovered why. And God kept working that aspect of me. He wants me to be a worshipper, not some performer. It's like what makes a Rock-Star a rock star. Is it the fact they play guitar and look cool, or is it that and they act, live, breathe the fact of being a Rock-Star. In fact to them, they never become a Rock-Star, they just do. They do it, not think about how to do it. CONNECTION! Im a Worshipper. I not only need to live, breathe, and sleep worship for God, but I need to do it. And do it through awe and love for Him, not because I am asked to. Do you like someone giving you "forced" approval? Or "forced" love? Why is God any different?

Ok, now that thats done...Work. We wont go there. Work stays at work.

I miss a lot of people back home. you guys are on my heart! And I pray you all go on an adventure of your own with God!

SOW today was intense!!! It was about what we, as worshippers, need to be and realize. Very good. Halfway through it, me and a buddy of mine had inspiration moments...so we wrote some intense songs. Songs about deliverence, remembrance, and thankfulness. Im pumped to get music to them.

Realization and lightning have spontaneity in common

I just talked with a fellow january. It's hilarious when you talk about somethings you don't understand. We came to this randomly: We are at a boarding school. I eat here, sleep here, live here, can't leave here, and pay to be here. Realization can be hilarious.

I never thought I would go to a boarding school. Ever. Thought Tibet was too cold.

I enjoy HA. Don't get me wrong. God called me here. I will look for Him here, because He is here. Just a fun realization.

HA UPDATE!!

Ok. Long while since I updated. Current: Week of the Ring. THe week we celebrate to get our rings of honor, symbolizing our commitment to a lifestyle of honor. Pretty fancy huh? The ring is very cool. The principles are good, but I won't forget why Im doing it (JESUS!).

Hmmm...We had a talk today about "appearance of evil" and hugs. I didnt say a word to the speaker, but I sure did in my head. Appearance of evil: hanging around someone tooo much. For quality time people: your toast when making opposite gender friends. haha. And for some reason, most of the female friends I make here are indeed...quality time. Hugs. The havent outlawed frontal hugs, but you can be confronted if it looks like your getting too involved....I thought "my foot I will let it get there". What most of the people who complain fail to realize is this: Most of the people "guilty" of giving frontal hugs are physical touch love language. I am included. I say this "I know the difference between a hug from a friend, and a hug from someone who I like or likes me. There is a BIG difference in them". people ignore what I say, but thats their choice, as is mine to keep doing frontal hugs. I don't give them out all the time and when I do, it's never more than two to the same person that day. It's uncommon. Grow up and face the fact: Hugs can be read like a book! Some people are just gifted.

*sigh* food. I have eaten a variety of food here. Salmon, burgers, french toast, etc. some good, some not, some are drop dead amazing. I have stocked up on oreos and ramen. Life savers. My favorite candy is now Linder's White Chocolate with he smooth filling...like eating pudding cake. *shivers* so goood!

Work. Work here is not work. its free labor. haha. because we are considered a non-profit organization, we are called volunteers. Ha, i lauhg everytime I think about it. It's not very motivating and its monotonous (you try calling people who have no idea why your calling them for 8 hours...then we will sit and have coffee together). But its rewarding...to receive the few calls from people who are genuinely interested in the program. OH THE CONVERSATIONS ARE HILARIOUS! I talked to this one girl for 1 hour once. Best thing about it: it was considered work. I talked to this girl, interacted, asked about her school and so on. Refreshing.

SOW UPDATE
I am playing a lot. learning some coool chords, the importance of an amp over pedals. the importance of a delay pedal and metronome. learning creativity through simplicity from Paul Baloche (He is ADD by the way...very funny to watch him speak)

I don't practice as much as I should. I know, shoot me. But Im busy. They know I am busy. Everybody is busy. But its nice. I play when I can, practice for about 20 min. catch up on some sleep (regardless of what research says...you can catch up!) I sleep 8 hours over the course of a day. 6 at night, 2 after breakfast. its nice.

PEOPLE UPDATE
Zech (Zack) is here with me. Funny dude. Helped me mature a bunch. Very grateful, and he is very good at guitar. He understands a lot. Helped me solidify me view of "Amps over pedals". Amps are expensive, but less things to carry :) and better sound.

Zach (Zach) is my Acountability Partner. He and I have some great times of worship and share a lot of views. He encourages me and I him. He sleeps above me and I wake him up for breakfast every so often. We take naps in the room together as well. We eat ramen together too. And he drinks tea. SCORE!

Danny. He is the room leader. funny. He sleeps on a double mattress bed. I didnt know this until...two days ago. Its comfy. Im claiming it when the Augusts leave. :)

Kayla. She is leaving sooon :( Her family and her feel like God doesnt want her here. She feels hindered spiritually and is scared. So she is looking homeward. I would stop her, but I feel the Spirit saying no. SO I let her go. She leaves soon.

We are about to lose like...20 people in about 2 days. Its scary. Reaosn: $$$$$ funds are expensive and it scares people.

More updates later, LOVE YOU ALL!!

the whispers in the dark awaken a lulled man

The events in todays society interest me. Homosexuality is an issue. Pornogrpahy is rampant (still). Christian women are becoming to accept Pornography as normal for men. Islam is rising. Makes you wonder what is wrong with our world, doesn't it?

Seeing how Islamic people become passionate to take over country's is shocking. What's more shocking to some of you, it's not new to the idea of Islam. Islam has been conquerring countries for centuries. What's new? My eyes have been opened to how its working. Islam is being passionate. They are offering services, like free burials in Uganda, and where do you think a poor person is going to go for a funeral? The Mosque. Where do you think they will attend service next? The mosque.

It gets worse. 16% of people in Uganda are Islamic. However in the Law school there, 90% are Islamic. In the communication school, 60% are Islamic.

How is this accomplished? Islam tells those to be passionate, and to do this or that for Allah, regardless the cost. What a scary thought when you think about it.

How ashamed I am. Passion is distorted by the enemy. He utilized its fulest potential and is leading nations astray. This is reality. This is what we are living in. This is war. How often I forget that we are at war. My eyes were blind to this whole matter, and I get the feeling many others are too.

When girls can be sold for $0.50 for a night just because they are poor...when Christians roar at a touchdown for football but will need a lot of encouragement to praise God for healing someone or a miraculous thing happened. We are passionless.

We had a pastor from Uganda come to us last night, and he is joining us tonight for our Fasting LTE Vow of Silence. He choose to come to us, paid his own way to see us, and preaches to us about passion. (so 99% of this...is his :] )

He tells of many things he sees in America: Spirit of Death, Obsession of the supernatural, the Church shying away form the supernatural, teens uninvolved with Christ, and much more. We all cried for youth to be more passionate about Christ, who redeems us from our sins and saved this world!

This past month has been incredible. Orange Block (the time leading up to the first LTE) was a pain! I couldnt enjoy sugar or Christian music, just worship. Worship is great unless you have only 3 albums, and listend to all of them 15 times over the first week...haha

But good news...its done! Im doing School of Worship. Learning how to create songs. Simple things to remember for worship songs vs normal songs!...actually i could use them for normal songs too haha.

My friends here...wow. They are slimming down in numbers. Not because they are friends, but my definition of a friend has changed. So, I honestly only have...*counting*...2 here lol. my AP and Kayla.

Work is ok. Not used to being on the phone for over 5 hours. haha. I can be personable, but shoo...This is a stretch haha.

Miss everyone in GA. LOVE YOU ALL!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY and remember who we are passionate for as Christians :)

*Listening to: Showbread - Nervosa*

Sacrificing the dearest things

Its not as bad as the title sounds, I promise.

I was at Big Bend this weekend, its a mountainous region/national park in Texas. 5-10 mi from Mexican Border. Hiking up this mountain to the peak showed me many things. I first saw the beauty for God's creation. Seeing how he made the plants, how the trees form themselves in various ways, etc. The more I saw it, the more in awe I was finding myself in. A state of worship so to say.

Then somewhere on the peak, a revelation hit...We are in a post-flood world.

It's 100% true. The whole earth was once covered in a flood that destroyed everything. Death was laid on the entire earth with water. Destruction happened to the "good" creation God did.

Now here is where Im getting slammed in the face in more awe...we see the Earth and say, "God your so amazing for creating this." Yet its a post-flood world. What I'm getting at is a thing called "Life from Death". It's a cycle the Earth follows. Plants have to die to produce life, and by that its through fruit and seeds. The older generation must die to allow the next generation to thrive. It's a cycle/law(if you must call it a law) the Earth follows.

The creation we see is how God made something beauty from death. Wonderful isn't it? My God is so big and strong, that He made beauty from destruction. WHOA.

My God is not something to undermine. I have found myself being convicted more and more when I dont praise God. Oddly enough, its not because of worship...its that my view of worship was so narrow. Its not just songs. Its not just guitar or hymns, or a leader who has awesome hair or great stage presence. Its giving glory to God for who He is. And I dunno about your Bible, but mine starts off with my God being a Creator in Genesis 1.

But its even deeper than that.

I just have begun to realize the deeper meaning of "dying to myself, and taking up my cross". If I have to die, I have to sacrifice myself. My life is laid on the line to be killed, destroyed, befriended to death walking hand in hand down a field of flowers (you getting the picture?). It no longer is going to be the same. That is the nature of death. If someone dies, they no longer remain the same. Am I right? Is my grandfather going to stay my grandfather, well working and fine tuned? No. He turns to dirt. Change.

So change occurs through death. When we die to ourselves, we open ourselves to be changed by the same God who created beauty through the flood. We turn to dirt when we die. And through the Living water of Christ, we turn to clay. From there we are moldable and formable. God takes on the role of Creator yet again. We need the water to stay moldable, the Word of God. Without it, we become hard. So water needs to remain in the dirt to remain clay. No dirt, no water, no clay. No death, no Christ, no change.

The colors merge and separate, a masterpiece painted by a true master

So my work supervisor almost died in the most hilarious ways. He's on a caffeine high. We got a milder coffee, which tends to have a higher caffeine content (I dunno why, ask God...its just that way). So, he's bouncing around on an office chair. Saying things like "This floor is attracting my body." "How did you mess this up? It goes Mon, Thurs, Friday, Tues, Wed, Sat...we dont work Saturday!!!" and the classic "Why are you here? GET OUT!! *then almost causes chair to fall backwards*) He has a slightly high pitched voice...so imagine that.

Work dragged, I cannot enjoy coffee for another week and a half :( sad day when you have two pounds of Starbucks coffee waiting to be out in your personal french press. Ah....coffee....and Im craving apple juice and ants on a log(the celery with peanut butter and raisins(sp?)) OH and ramen.........oh buddy ramen is good. Saves me when Im hungry.

So I will not be ashamed to ask this...care packages with Nutrigrain bars (oats and honey and cinnamon please :]) skittles, cheez-its, reeses, applesauce, and vanilla pudding (sugar ADDED!!! i will enjoy sugar!!!) but im dreaming now...hahha thats a LOT of things to send, and they arent always as cheap as they are here (the walmart lives off us interns. if we werent here, they would be broke. so they keep it low for us :])

WELL school of worship...so much fun! We have these Encouragement partners. they are Graduate Interns who strictly work for School of Worship, not Teen Mania. Its great. I have one of the worship leader dudes. He's "ambient". Im just grateful for such an opportunity.

God has been placing a second year on my heart, despite the hard things Im facing now. and He has been revealing much. This quote he gave me by far is one of the things that push me to go further "Its not abot what we face, but what He does through us." Wow...whenever we face something hard, we just have to keep pushing, keep putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how hard it is. When we are faithful with the little, God blesses us with much.

my splurge of insight for the post!!

How many of us run? Like actually distance? Honestly before I came here, the only running I did was to the bathroom and to the fridge. believe it or not, I broke my own records. 2 secs to the bathroom and 3.14 to the fridge (includes the cool slide pose).

Here...Im running daily. And I mean RUNNING! Like the people you see 4am everyday who run in the cold, ya those. I joined those crazy people when I became an intern. I admit it wasnt the greatest thing to do instead of sleep, but it was ok.

There have been days where Im running, and it hurts...so I stopped running and walked. Did this every day...and I found myself running less and less. I was confused, and just ignored it, thinking Im just tired. Oh and the days you run and its cold...it gets exciting when you cant feel your face. Like someone could slap you, and you wouldnt know except for the fact your face just turned a direction.(I was accidently hit) Yesterday, the death of my grandfather wasn't apparent. He was one to drive me to push, and I always would when I knew he was watching. It made me strong and feel accomplished. Well today, we had to run 3 mi. I couldnt finish 1 without stopping, so I just ran. Had a partner this time who encouraged me to push. So i pushed. Set small goals for myself to make it to. Once I passed them, Id say "Alright, a little further". he would tell me how great I was doing. And I kept pushing, giving it everything I got.

About the 2 mi...i knew I was at my end. I couldnt push, but I kept putting one foot in front of the other..thinking that God wants my flesh disciplined, not comfortable. So I pushed. and pushed. It hurt, my knees almost gave way. the hills we ran would make the burning in my thighs and calves explode. but I wouldnt stop. I kne wonce I would, i would never pick back up the pace...it was weird because it wasnt me saying that, it was the Holy Spirit saying "Push! Push! If you let up now, you will not know what it feels to have given it everything you got!" but it was in suggestion form. giving me the choice and power to act upon what was suggested.

I was on the last loop, and a thought came into my head.."Papa Jack...he pushed me...he is prob in heaven watching me push. Encouraging me from there to just push a bit more." This gave some inspiration. And singing a line from We Won't Be Quiet by David Crowder "No! No! No, No, No!" on the hills helped with pacing.

Needless to say, i didnt stop and I finished the 3 mi. Once I finished, I was wiped. I could barely walk, and breakfast never tasted SO GOOD!! :)

Then I thought something...Jesus and Papa Jack smiling. Having watched that I pushed and wouldn't quit. I cried a little and smiled. The realization that he was gone hit, but was met with such joy I couldnt be sad for long, because I knew he was proud. and Jesus was proud along with him.

How many times do we not push until everything we got is gone, and then some? Do we often lose sight of the reward that awaits us, great or small? I think we just forget what it means to push... just putting one foot in front of the other and not slowing down. How much more should we apply this to our lives in the spiritual sense? Pushing through hard times and seeking Jesus' face. Disciplining our bodies to do the Will of the Father. Loving those who just hurt us, instead of retailiating. Letting go of people we love, even though we know what they are doing is wrong or not beneficial. Tursting that the ones we love hear God for themselves, and will one day have to account for themselves and must grow some with only them and God. From experience, nothing beats the feeling of giving it your all and finishing. Its one I know I will experience many times, my last being my walk with Jesus when I see Him face to face and Im sobbing at the sight of how I didnt quit.

what waterfalls and sadness share...the pouring of water

If you can relate to one thing with most people, its the loss of a loved one. This morning my step-grandfather passed away unexpectedly. The sadder part was, they were going to visit my family this upcoming week. Its one of life's ways of saying, "Time is never guarenteed."

I noticed how even though I was sad, God was doing something. I was seeing joy through the pain. I knew who to go to. I knew what to do, I had to lean on my "Dad" and just express my feelings. I didnt cry, but I was saddened and wrote how I felt. I took it as a reminder as why every moment we spend on earth counts. Because even though we are healthy, we may suddenly have a problem and never know. This only added to my burdens this week, but I refuse to make this a pity party blog. This is about growth, and growth hurts.

It's proven. If it doesnt hurt, its not stretching. For instance muscles. If you dont work them properly and hard enough, they will never grow stronger. The harder you push, the more gains you receive! (all within reason). I take all thats happened to me recently as that. It's making me stronger. It's breaking me, and God is building me back up in humility and prayer through Him. A quote from a poem I wrote is fitting more and more everyday! "It's not about what we face, but what He does through us." Following God never means going the safe and easy route; in fact the more I follow, the more I find it just gets harder! It breaks more and more from our hard hearts to a place where we recognize breathing is a feat allowed and gracefully given from God. I came here because God called me, and I asked to grow stronger.

Well I dont want to go in a rant. I have work. Phone lines are working again.

Peace, Love, Joy

YAY!!!!

LIKE AHH!! ITS A GOOD DAY!! Jesus is the Rememdy...yesterday was really hard. I dunno why but I felt distant and dry. but I went to worship, and WHOO!! I got a reminder oh how much Jesus Loves me!! Its Joy to know He is my Remedy for this passing world!!

The shattered jar now spills its perfume

Brokeness....its as rough as it sounds.

I have been facing many personal issues alone. Ones I need to have my heart changed for. In fact, the more I look at what CHrist wants the more Im convinced it requires a heart change. What I cant believe is how much I need changing, but Thank God Im not alone!!

So...these past couple of days have been very breaking. Work, new room, everything. Even how I act is being critiqued...its good but not always the best thing to hear, especially after 5am workouts in 22 degree weather. But oh well, persevere and strangth comes.

Im actually grateful Im here. I met great people. I have a great female friend named Kayla Chappell...(yes the same pronounciation as Dave Chappell) she's from Oregon. In liberty personality terms...i believe SCD...in a personality test (if you know what this means) Flagmatic Melancholly....ya look it up if you know. its too long to explain.

dont freak out I...also meet some great dudes as well. I cant date for a year, so its OK!! sheesh, next thing i know people will be asking about kayla... There's Chuck, Danny, Tyler, Eric, Zack, Zech(pronounced zach), Josh, Tony, and Paul...all but the first are my roommates/core team. They are hilarious!! There is also Andrew and Cheerios...they are so funny!!

Me and Kayla are just sitting here. She is a Vegeterian...so she doesnt eat meat. And after a "we have no time to fully cook the chicken due to wednesday night service going so late" i wont eat chicken for a week...haha.

We are very opposite in personality we found out. Like Im very "HI!" and meet everyone and get out there and just....AHH!!!!...haha. But Kayla is very reserved. She is shy, in fact when I first met her, she was like.."oh.........hi" its hilarious. But we are coffee buddies so its cool.

So ATL....I dont want to see her name on banners when I visit!! OH im planning to visit during easter! YAY!!!!!

the stream of tears creates a river of life, but it must carve the rocks first

So, I changed Cores. Core is a group of people who is in your room, and a nother room. Basically like Accountability partners. I grew super tight during Gauntlet to my temporary core. I was hoping Id stay with them.

I didnt. It was hard. I almost cried. I grew close FAST to the guys. They grew fats with me. I know its for the best, but its one of the realizations that you think you know until your there...That God knows best. He does whats best. If He didnt, Im pretty sure nothing would exist. Its one of those "needed but rough" lessons. Its kinda ironic.

But Im growing into the new core. I have a middle bunk, as opposed to a top bunk...leaves a nice bruise on my head when I sit up in the morning. :)

I get my Ministry placemen, ie my job, tomorrow. Im pumped.

Im also considering doing an Adventure Trip (HA interns and alumni only) trip to Haiti. Its stinkin cool!

Ok, its dinner time, steak, potatoes, and for seconds...PB&J! WHOO!!!

Peace, Love, Joy!

Honor Academy Update 1

15 min a day...its all im allowed on here this week.
I cannot txt mon-fri for the month of january.
Made new friends quite quickly. Abbey, Chuck, Cheerios, Andrew, Matt, Terry, Oob, Mal,Zack, Bobby...the list expands daily.
GOD IS MOVING SO MUCH! Its so powerful.
Im in a time called Gauntlet. Its intensive orientation. 5:30 mornings...ha.
Its the first week of something called orange block. Its where I limit my sweets intake. i get one free day a week. I also cannot txt mon thru fri. I can only listen to worship music. And I am only allowed 15 min of interent. Im almost up on time. Love everyone...I dont regret this decision...it will def. make an impact on me. Im awaiting my decision on School of Worship. Find out tomorrow. Some found out today, and made it. only becasue they accidently ran into the audition dude.

Prayer is great right now.

Sincerely, Biblo Baggins

Yes, we have just arrived in Lindale, TX about....20 min ago.

When we arrived...shoo we just laid in the beds and rested...driving for 11 hours in a tiny car(or any vehicle) is rough on the body. Props to dad...he drove most of it. 9 hours. He got tired and I took over...I probably could have handled 8 hours easily with my music. I barely survived keeping the volume low with David Crowder Band...I like that and it barely worked low volume.

Well...The adventure starts. Im relating too much to The Hobbit recently. Its quite scary how its occurances of adventure and fear of the unknown are ever-true...Thank God J.R.R. Tolkein wrote the book.

I was reading Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson. It's a great book. One part talks about slowing our lives down to the day-to-day ministry that goes on in our lives. And that we really shouldn't focus so much on the BIG long-term ministry as much as we should on the day-to-day ones. For instance the Good Samaritan...Im pretty sure he had things to do, but he took the time out of his "busy" schedule and helped a man. And Mark used an illustration of Jesus and the blind man who wouldnt stop crying to Him. He continues to say how "Jesus stopped" and saw this man, not as a "human interruption", but a "divine apppointment".

Long-term ministry is a great plan to have in mind. Those were key words too. Having a plan is great. It guides you and it helps you stay focused. But Im saying here is a "tentative"(loosely used) plan is better. Not something that its "This way or else", but rather a "This way until God says to do otherwise" one. There is a big difference. The first puts man in control, while the latter is man's limited control understanding an all-powerful God who IS in control. Its humbling when you think about it.

By far...Im excited to see why God wants me here, to chase the heart of Jesus, and enter into a time of growth beyond my imagination.

To Begin the Journey...

"I'm the desperate and you're the savior" - Breathing In A New Mentality Underoath

Truly amazing lyrics by Spencer...This is Underoath's newest release...and the entire album is (in how I see it) in the perspective of a New Christian taking on the Cross, facing persecution, emptiness of the world, chasing God, finding the Love of God, and knowing Jesus personally.....truly awe-inspiring.

I love underoath because they say things most Christians are afraid to admit. And they say it and say, "ya I know what is happening isnt right...but I want answers. I want them enough to express this!" Their music and lyrics inspire me. Not the most inspiration as the Holy Spirit, but He has unctioned me to write in a similar way as they have...and its freeing.

Ok...So I leave for Texas in....7 hours...My Journey/Adventure is beginning, and I take it on as a man.

AH I could go on, and on, and on, and on...Im excited to see where this adventure goes now. And yes, Im still pumped. Its an adventure.
Will it be fun? Yep, but not always.
Will be rough? Yep, but not always.
Will it almost seem like I cant make it? Hearing that the ESOAL (its a boot camp) its 3 days with no food(but there will be water) and little sleep...OH YES, but thankfully not always. But Im soaking it all in.

My updates will be long like this one. I wont be able to get on for about a week. The orientation week is called Gauntlet...its gonna be a blast! So afterwards things will be written. And I have to be watched for the first 6 months...just so no pornography is being viewed. they are smart lads.

Be blessed!

The adventure overtakes the surrendered traveler's expectations

Im packing my suitcase and just preparing my mind for whats about to happen this up-coming year. I get a call around 6:10 today from Teen Mania. Already thoughts of "What did I forget?" and "What's wrong now?!" flooded my head. it was very rough, but I answered...surrendered to the consequences (good or bad) that this phone call brings.

I answer like I always do, calling myself JT. I didnt think it through really. After I explain that JT is also my name, they lay it on me. They ask if I want to do the School of Worship, or was still interested.

Of course I'm interested. I wanted to go SO badly, but two things prevented me: 1) I didnt have any means of recording myself for the audition to post it on Youtube. 2) I didnt think my parents could afford it. So I accepted the fact God probably didnt want me there yet. She then told me something I couldn't believe.

She said, there is an audition on arrival day for School of Worship. And that it only costs about $150 extra a month. The extra part didnt excite me, but as she talked about the audition..i get SO EXCITED. I told her I'd love to do it. She asks what instrument...i say guitar (cuz its what I do). Then she asks if I do vocals. I say Im learning...but I will try the audition...its an audition not a performance...so im down being told no on vocals. Im still learning, and if i dont get in with vocals, i can always learn from singers how to :)...its a nice trade.

Now granted...it's an audition. I have no clue what to expect. Its prestigeous. The dude who wrote 'Open the eyes of my Heart" leads this....ya...and my work load increases.........ya. But its worth it. God opened an opportunity. He never gives us things that He knows we cannot handle through Him (and in my Bible, my God is the one who does miraculous signs, wonderous "coincidences", and gives strength to the weak; so Im pretty confident anything that life throws our way isn't something we cannot survive through with God).

I am humbly walking into it, and will enjoy God regardless the outcome. I still have my guitar while Im there anyways, so my guitar playing wont die. Im honored to be seen by such a God, and for Him to be mindful of me. What a reminder.

Friend of God
Who am I that you are mindful of me?
That you hear me when I call?
Is it true that You are thinking of me?
How You love me, its amazing!

I am a friend of God x3
He calls me friend!

God Almighty
Lord of Glory
You have called me friend