The colors merge and separate, a masterpiece painted by a true master

So my work supervisor almost died in the most hilarious ways. He's on a caffeine high. We got a milder coffee, which tends to have a higher caffeine content (I dunno why, ask God...its just that way). So, he's bouncing around on an office chair. Saying things like "This floor is attracting my body." "How did you mess this up? It goes Mon, Thurs, Friday, Tues, Wed, Sat...we dont work Saturday!!!" and the classic "Why are you here? GET OUT!! *then almost causes chair to fall backwards*) He has a slightly high pitched voice...so imagine that.

Work dragged, I cannot enjoy coffee for another week and a half :( sad day when you have two pounds of Starbucks coffee waiting to be out in your personal french press. Ah....coffee....and Im craving apple juice and ants on a log(the celery with peanut butter and raisins(sp?)) OH and ramen.........oh buddy ramen is good. Saves me when Im hungry.

So I will not be ashamed to ask this...care packages with Nutrigrain bars (oats and honey and cinnamon please :]) skittles, cheez-its, reeses, applesauce, and vanilla pudding (sugar ADDED!!! i will enjoy sugar!!!) but im dreaming now...hahha thats a LOT of things to send, and they arent always as cheap as they are here (the walmart lives off us interns. if we werent here, they would be broke. so they keep it low for us :])

WELL school of worship...so much fun! We have these Encouragement partners. they are Graduate Interns who strictly work for School of Worship, not Teen Mania. Its great. I have one of the worship leader dudes. He's "ambient". Im just grateful for such an opportunity.

God has been placing a second year on my heart, despite the hard things Im facing now. and He has been revealing much. This quote he gave me by far is one of the things that push me to go further "Its not abot what we face, but what He does through us." Wow...whenever we face something hard, we just have to keep pushing, keep putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how hard it is. When we are faithful with the little, God blesses us with much.

my splurge of insight for the post!!

How many of us run? Like actually distance? Honestly before I came here, the only running I did was to the bathroom and to the fridge. believe it or not, I broke my own records. 2 secs to the bathroom and 3.14 to the fridge (includes the cool slide pose).

Here...Im running daily. And I mean RUNNING! Like the people you see 4am everyday who run in the cold, ya those. I joined those crazy people when I became an intern. I admit it wasnt the greatest thing to do instead of sleep, but it was ok.

There have been days where Im running, and it hurts...so I stopped running and walked. Did this every day...and I found myself running less and less. I was confused, and just ignored it, thinking Im just tired. Oh and the days you run and its cold...it gets exciting when you cant feel your face. Like someone could slap you, and you wouldnt know except for the fact your face just turned a direction.(I was accidently hit) Yesterday, the death of my grandfather wasn't apparent. He was one to drive me to push, and I always would when I knew he was watching. It made me strong and feel accomplished. Well today, we had to run 3 mi. I couldnt finish 1 without stopping, so I just ran. Had a partner this time who encouraged me to push. So i pushed. Set small goals for myself to make it to. Once I passed them, Id say "Alright, a little further". he would tell me how great I was doing. And I kept pushing, giving it everything I got.

About the 2 mi...i knew I was at my end. I couldnt push, but I kept putting one foot in front of the other..thinking that God wants my flesh disciplined, not comfortable. So I pushed. and pushed. It hurt, my knees almost gave way. the hills we ran would make the burning in my thighs and calves explode. but I wouldnt stop. I kne wonce I would, i would never pick back up the pace...it was weird because it wasnt me saying that, it was the Holy Spirit saying "Push! Push! If you let up now, you will not know what it feels to have given it everything you got!" but it was in suggestion form. giving me the choice and power to act upon what was suggested.

I was on the last loop, and a thought came into my head.."Papa Jack...he pushed me...he is prob in heaven watching me push. Encouraging me from there to just push a bit more." This gave some inspiration. And singing a line from We Won't Be Quiet by David Crowder "No! No! No, No, No!" on the hills helped with pacing.

Needless to say, i didnt stop and I finished the 3 mi. Once I finished, I was wiped. I could barely walk, and breakfast never tasted SO GOOD!! :)

Then I thought something...Jesus and Papa Jack smiling. Having watched that I pushed and wouldn't quit. I cried a little and smiled. The realization that he was gone hit, but was met with such joy I couldnt be sad for long, because I knew he was proud. and Jesus was proud along with him.

How many times do we not push until everything we got is gone, and then some? Do we often lose sight of the reward that awaits us, great or small? I think we just forget what it means to push... just putting one foot in front of the other and not slowing down. How much more should we apply this to our lives in the spiritual sense? Pushing through hard times and seeking Jesus' face. Disciplining our bodies to do the Will of the Father. Loving those who just hurt us, instead of retailiating. Letting go of people we love, even though we know what they are doing is wrong or not beneficial. Tursting that the ones we love hear God for themselves, and will one day have to account for themselves and must grow some with only them and God. From experience, nothing beats the feeling of giving it your all and finishing. Its one I know I will experience many times, my last being my walk with Jesus when I see Him face to face and Im sobbing at the sight of how I didnt quit.

what waterfalls and sadness share...the pouring of water

If you can relate to one thing with most people, its the loss of a loved one. This morning my step-grandfather passed away unexpectedly. The sadder part was, they were going to visit my family this upcoming week. Its one of life's ways of saying, "Time is never guarenteed."

I noticed how even though I was sad, God was doing something. I was seeing joy through the pain. I knew who to go to. I knew what to do, I had to lean on my "Dad" and just express my feelings. I didnt cry, but I was saddened and wrote how I felt. I took it as a reminder as why every moment we spend on earth counts. Because even though we are healthy, we may suddenly have a problem and never know. This only added to my burdens this week, but I refuse to make this a pity party blog. This is about growth, and growth hurts.

It's proven. If it doesnt hurt, its not stretching. For instance muscles. If you dont work them properly and hard enough, they will never grow stronger. The harder you push, the more gains you receive! (all within reason). I take all thats happened to me recently as that. It's making me stronger. It's breaking me, and God is building me back up in humility and prayer through Him. A quote from a poem I wrote is fitting more and more everyday! "It's not about what we face, but what He does through us." Following God never means going the safe and easy route; in fact the more I follow, the more I find it just gets harder! It breaks more and more from our hard hearts to a place where we recognize breathing is a feat allowed and gracefully given from God. I came here because God called me, and I asked to grow stronger.

Well I dont want to go in a rant. I have work. Phone lines are working again.

Peace, Love, Joy

YAY!!!!

LIKE AHH!! ITS A GOOD DAY!! Jesus is the Rememdy...yesterday was really hard. I dunno why but I felt distant and dry. but I went to worship, and WHOO!! I got a reminder oh how much Jesus Loves me!! Its Joy to know He is my Remedy for this passing world!!

The shattered jar now spills its perfume

Brokeness....its as rough as it sounds.

I have been facing many personal issues alone. Ones I need to have my heart changed for. In fact, the more I look at what CHrist wants the more Im convinced it requires a heart change. What I cant believe is how much I need changing, but Thank God Im not alone!!

So...these past couple of days have been very breaking. Work, new room, everything. Even how I act is being critiqued...its good but not always the best thing to hear, especially after 5am workouts in 22 degree weather. But oh well, persevere and strangth comes.

Im actually grateful Im here. I met great people. I have a great female friend named Kayla Chappell...(yes the same pronounciation as Dave Chappell) she's from Oregon. In liberty personality terms...i believe SCD...in a personality test (if you know what this means) Flagmatic Melancholly....ya look it up if you know. its too long to explain.

dont freak out I...also meet some great dudes as well. I cant date for a year, so its OK!! sheesh, next thing i know people will be asking about kayla... There's Chuck, Danny, Tyler, Eric, Zack, Zech(pronounced zach), Josh, Tony, and Paul...all but the first are my roommates/core team. They are hilarious!! There is also Andrew and Cheerios...they are so funny!!

Me and Kayla are just sitting here. She is a Vegeterian...so she doesnt eat meat. And after a "we have no time to fully cook the chicken due to wednesday night service going so late" i wont eat chicken for a week...haha.

We are very opposite in personality we found out. Like Im very "HI!" and meet everyone and get out there and just....AHH!!!!...haha. But Kayla is very reserved. She is shy, in fact when I first met her, she was like.."oh.........hi" its hilarious. But we are coffee buddies so its cool.

So ATL....I dont want to see her name on banners when I visit!! OH im planning to visit during easter! YAY!!!!!

the stream of tears creates a river of life, but it must carve the rocks first

So, I changed Cores. Core is a group of people who is in your room, and a nother room. Basically like Accountability partners. I grew super tight during Gauntlet to my temporary core. I was hoping Id stay with them.

I didnt. It was hard. I almost cried. I grew close FAST to the guys. They grew fats with me. I know its for the best, but its one of the realizations that you think you know until your there...That God knows best. He does whats best. If He didnt, Im pretty sure nothing would exist. Its one of those "needed but rough" lessons. Its kinda ironic.

But Im growing into the new core. I have a middle bunk, as opposed to a top bunk...leaves a nice bruise on my head when I sit up in the morning. :)

I get my Ministry placemen, ie my job, tomorrow. Im pumped.

Im also considering doing an Adventure Trip (HA interns and alumni only) trip to Haiti. Its stinkin cool!

Ok, its dinner time, steak, potatoes, and for seconds...PB&J! WHOO!!!

Peace, Love, Joy!

Honor Academy Update 1

15 min a day...its all im allowed on here this week.
I cannot txt mon-fri for the month of january.
Made new friends quite quickly. Abbey, Chuck, Cheerios, Andrew, Matt, Terry, Oob, Mal,Zack, Bobby...the list expands daily.
GOD IS MOVING SO MUCH! Its so powerful.
Im in a time called Gauntlet. Its intensive orientation. 5:30 mornings...ha.
Its the first week of something called orange block. Its where I limit my sweets intake. i get one free day a week. I also cannot txt mon thru fri. I can only listen to worship music. And I am only allowed 15 min of interent. Im almost up on time. Love everyone...I dont regret this decision...it will def. make an impact on me. Im awaiting my decision on School of Worship. Find out tomorrow. Some found out today, and made it. only becasue they accidently ran into the audition dude.

Prayer is great right now.

Sincerely, Biblo Baggins

Yes, we have just arrived in Lindale, TX about....20 min ago.

When we arrived...shoo we just laid in the beds and rested...driving for 11 hours in a tiny car(or any vehicle) is rough on the body. Props to dad...he drove most of it. 9 hours. He got tired and I took over...I probably could have handled 8 hours easily with my music. I barely survived keeping the volume low with David Crowder Band...I like that and it barely worked low volume.

Well...The adventure starts. Im relating too much to The Hobbit recently. Its quite scary how its occurances of adventure and fear of the unknown are ever-true...Thank God J.R.R. Tolkein wrote the book.

I was reading Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson. It's a great book. One part talks about slowing our lives down to the day-to-day ministry that goes on in our lives. And that we really shouldn't focus so much on the BIG long-term ministry as much as we should on the day-to-day ones. For instance the Good Samaritan...Im pretty sure he had things to do, but he took the time out of his "busy" schedule and helped a man. And Mark used an illustration of Jesus and the blind man who wouldnt stop crying to Him. He continues to say how "Jesus stopped" and saw this man, not as a "human interruption", but a "divine apppointment".

Long-term ministry is a great plan to have in mind. Those were key words too. Having a plan is great. It guides you and it helps you stay focused. But Im saying here is a "tentative"(loosely used) plan is better. Not something that its "This way or else", but rather a "This way until God says to do otherwise" one. There is a big difference. The first puts man in control, while the latter is man's limited control understanding an all-powerful God who IS in control. Its humbling when you think about it.

By far...Im excited to see why God wants me here, to chase the heart of Jesus, and enter into a time of growth beyond my imagination.

To Begin the Journey...

"I'm the desperate and you're the savior" - Breathing In A New Mentality Underoath

Truly amazing lyrics by Spencer...This is Underoath's newest release...and the entire album is (in how I see it) in the perspective of a New Christian taking on the Cross, facing persecution, emptiness of the world, chasing God, finding the Love of God, and knowing Jesus personally.....truly awe-inspiring.

I love underoath because they say things most Christians are afraid to admit. And they say it and say, "ya I know what is happening isnt right...but I want answers. I want them enough to express this!" Their music and lyrics inspire me. Not the most inspiration as the Holy Spirit, but He has unctioned me to write in a similar way as they have...and its freeing.

Ok...So I leave for Texas in....7 hours...My Journey/Adventure is beginning, and I take it on as a man.

AH I could go on, and on, and on, and on...Im excited to see where this adventure goes now. And yes, Im still pumped. Its an adventure.
Will it be fun? Yep, but not always.
Will be rough? Yep, but not always.
Will it almost seem like I cant make it? Hearing that the ESOAL (its a boot camp) its 3 days with no food(but there will be water) and little sleep...OH YES, but thankfully not always. But Im soaking it all in.

My updates will be long like this one. I wont be able to get on for about a week. The orientation week is called Gauntlet...its gonna be a blast! So afterwards things will be written. And I have to be watched for the first 6 months...just so no pornography is being viewed. they are smart lads.

Be blessed!

The adventure overtakes the surrendered traveler's expectations

Im packing my suitcase and just preparing my mind for whats about to happen this up-coming year. I get a call around 6:10 today from Teen Mania. Already thoughts of "What did I forget?" and "What's wrong now?!" flooded my head. it was very rough, but I answered...surrendered to the consequences (good or bad) that this phone call brings.

I answer like I always do, calling myself JT. I didnt think it through really. After I explain that JT is also my name, they lay it on me. They ask if I want to do the School of Worship, or was still interested.

Of course I'm interested. I wanted to go SO badly, but two things prevented me: 1) I didnt have any means of recording myself for the audition to post it on Youtube. 2) I didnt think my parents could afford it. So I accepted the fact God probably didnt want me there yet. She then told me something I couldn't believe.

She said, there is an audition on arrival day for School of Worship. And that it only costs about $150 extra a month. The extra part didnt excite me, but as she talked about the audition..i get SO EXCITED. I told her I'd love to do it. She asks what instrument...i say guitar (cuz its what I do). Then she asks if I do vocals. I say Im learning...but I will try the audition...its an audition not a performance...so im down being told no on vocals. Im still learning, and if i dont get in with vocals, i can always learn from singers how to :)...its a nice trade.

Now granted...it's an audition. I have no clue what to expect. Its prestigeous. The dude who wrote 'Open the eyes of my Heart" leads this....ya...and my work load increases.........ya. But its worth it. God opened an opportunity. He never gives us things that He knows we cannot handle through Him (and in my Bible, my God is the one who does miraculous signs, wonderous "coincidences", and gives strength to the weak; so Im pretty confident anything that life throws our way isn't something we cannot survive through with God).

I am humbly walking into it, and will enjoy God regardless the outcome. I still have my guitar while Im there anyways, so my guitar playing wont die. Im honored to be seen by such a God, and for Him to be mindful of me. What a reminder.

Friend of God
Who am I that you are mindful of me?
That you hear me when I call?
Is it true that You are thinking of me?
How You love me, its amazing!

I am a friend of God x3
He calls me friend!

God Almighty
Lord of Glory
You have called me friend